Friday, April 9, 2010


I'm not talking about going out dates or romantic dates.  I mean month, day, year dates of significant milestone moments in a relationship.  Imagine how many dates you struggle to remember as your relationship progresses over the years!  While a good sign of your longevity as a couple, it can cause minor stress or pressure to have it all committed to memory.

Take for example, my latest conversation a few days ago with J, my fiance.

I had just finished reading an article in Redbook Magazine (January 2010 issue) called "Your favorite day of the year" in which women celebrated different special moments in their lives, from surviving cancer, watching the sunset everyday, to when friendships were formed.  Walking home from the lightrail station, I thought about how special it would be for J & I to celebrate our engagement every year.  We were engaged last summer in Hawai'i, so I envisioned traditional yearly dinners to the nearby Hukilau or Roy's or - why not? - even the occasional trip back to Oahu!  What better way to relive one of the happiest, memorable, and surreal moments in our relationship?

I told John my idea and, not surprisingly, he responded enthusiastically.

Me: So, do you remember which day we got engaged?
J: Yeah, in June.
Me: Yes, but do you remember the DATE?
J: Um.  The day Michael Jackson died?  (this is awful, but true)
Me: Yes, but do you know the DATE?
J: No... I don't remember.  (wrong answer)
Me: JUNE 25th!  How could you not know?  It's even posted on my Facebook profile picture of us... How could you NOT ....

That conversation alone made me realize how tough it is to remember other relationship moments.  The most important date that we make sure to celebrate every year is, of course, the date that we made "us" official: November 7th.  I'm sure, he won't forget June 25th again after our last conversation.  Got our first house on July 8th and moved in officially on August 1st.  And the day that we get married will also be another huge date to celebrate.  And on & on.  

It makes me wonder if married couples still think about the day they first got together, or their entire relationship becomes defined from the years they've been married.  That's a lot of history with J that I can't just shake off.  Part of why I'm so big on celebrations and reminiscing is that it helps keeps the memory vivid - a comforting reminder that it really did happen and a milestone to mark how far we've come as a couple.  So even though the list won't likely ever end, it's more important to me that we try to remember those significant dates over overrated holidays like Valentine's Day.

And why should the celebrating stop?  Those occasions are a nice reason to dine out, travel, and indulge in ourselves.  Hopefully, a Hawaiian engagement celebration is in the works to become a yearly tradition.  (J, I'm looking forward to next year's June 25th!).


  1. funny you bring up dates.. b/c I don't think Hung and I could define a specific date as to when we started "us". Haha.. it's funny, but kind of sad. We've told each other to just pick a date, but that never really works. We wait until January, February has finally passed before saying that we've been dating for an additional year. :P I think it's about time we make some dates :

  2. Roey, you have a point - people who date after college tend to have a more gray area of defining an "official" moment. If a date doesn't work, you can just celebrate the entire month of January! :)

  3. You know, from a guy's perspective, once you're past the 1 yr milestone, we put out less effort to remember anything but your birthday and what makes you tick. Unless if you want a guy who sits around doing nothing but to remember all the important dates, it's best to send him playful text messages to remind him.

  4. Good to note, Tri. In the grand scheme of things, a missed date here or there doesn't hurt so long as he knows how to make you happy. I like having lots of dates because it gives me lots of reasons to celebrate! And celebrating makes this gal happy!


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