1st Engagement Anniversary

Starting today, J and I have been engaged for one full year!  Except this time, we’re not on the warm beaches of Oahu; we’re shuffling back and forth from work to home. It’s not Hawai’i, but our home is still our small oasis from reality.

Throughout our year of living together as fiances, a few discoveries popped up along the way.  There are the little ones, such as the fact that J obsesses over an empty kitchen sink, how I can’t eat leftovers more than twice whereas he can have the same meal five days in a row, that I truly enjoy cooking for him, how frequently he hears me burp throughout the day, that J enjoys drinking carrot juice, and how our sleeping patterns are complete opposites.  So far his night owl’s habits have been winning as I indulge in his late night TV, web surfing, or online streamed episodes of Naruto.  

Then there are the surprising moments of simple joy.  When I’m the first to leave for work in the morning, I drop a kiss on his forehead.  Instead of the lingering pang that comes because I may not see him for a few days -  how I used to feel when we dated in Los Angeles - I am comforted that I’ll see him later that evening.  We make it a point to affectionately greet each other at the door when someone comes home.  I missed doing that once and J was not happy.  I don’t care for naps, whereas J loves them, but I admit that there is something incredibly cozy and serene about falling asleep on the couch together.  Especially on a lazy weekend when you sleep to the sounds of the breeze rustling the trees.  Or the time when we celebrated our first Christmas at home and created a faux fireplace by hooking the laptop to the TV, the YouTube burning log channel on repeat.  With my head resting on his shoulder, I could happily pretend that we were in our own winter retreat in front of a fireplace – even if it was a web version.  

I was also surprised at how little we fought.  You would think co-habitating immediately spotlights the other person’s every pet peeve imaginable. Actually, it does.  Though it helps A LOT when you call the person out on those actions before it becomes a habit.  Minor annoyances aside, I can count only 3 or so major fights that occurred.  3 fights:365 days is an incredible relationship ratio.    

The fights were memorable and also ridiculous.  The first one involved us storming out of a ramen shop we had driven 40 minutes to eat at, only to wind up trying out a new Indian restaurant a couple of hours later. Even angry people get hungry.  The second was an insensitive joke that I made while we stood along the windy Golden Gate Bridge for me to take pictures.  Apparently, J didn’t find it very funny.  Maybe I need to work on my delivery. That photo is now framed in our living room as a teasing reminder.  The third fight happened during the holiday season when J came home grouchy from work.  I thought he was mad at me, so then I got mad, which made him get mad at me for being mad. You know how that goes. 

Whether it’s silly, petty, or small joyful discoveries, truthfully, I’m having fun.  Even after dating for 6 years, it’s nice to know that the surprises still keep on coming. Cheers to a wonderful engaged year of random findings, simple moments, and ridiculous fights!  I can’t wait to experience more with you, J.  

And yes, I’m very happy that you planned out a special date for us to celebrate this occasion.   

The Story of Lipstick on Paper

{Photography by: Vivian Sachs, www.viviansachs.com}

We excitedly received our engagement photos last weekend!  My friend Vivian Sachs was our photographer for our photo session in late April; which was taken at Carmel & Pebble Beach.  Looking through our photos, I can't help but feel a sense of disbelief on how far we've come as a couple.  How far I've come from my single, independent and heartbreaking dating days.  As a girl, I always wondered who would be the man I'd one day marry - it's still a trip for me to realize that I finally have my answer.  How did I ever get here?  What did I do to deserve this profound happiness?  And what lies ahead for me in the next few years?

Last weekend, I took a brief overnight trip to Monterey - just me on a solo retreat.  While meandering through the streets and walking along the pier, I wanted my life in the past couple of years to just slowly sink in.  I wanted to have a better sense of how I will approach the future years.  I wanted to also figure out the direction of my writing, especially with this blog: Lipstick on Paper.  Contemplating about that took me back across the spectrum of my past relationships and struggles, all somehow working out in the end and leading me to this milestone year.  Enjoy reading the Story of Lipstick on Paper - this is dedicated to J & our optimistic future together.

P.S. Happy Anniversary, babe.  6 years and 7 months strong.

the burn

Last night, a seemingly innocent comment led to a blown out argument between J & I.  What to do with such rage?  We hit the nearby 24 Hour Fitness and parted ways curtly.  J headed to the weights and I made a beeline to the cardio machines, my iPod on full blast.

Within that next hour, I proceeded to run and bike at my most intense speed yet in this entire month. Apparently, anger can do a body good - sometimes.  In this case, it was 386 calories worth! 

During our awkward drive home, I broke the stony silence first.

P: Thank you for yelling at me.

J: Um... why?

P: Well...I burned more calories because of it! 
J: Well...that's good for YOU, not so good for the relationship.

What kind of horrible person actually benefits from fighting with her significant other?  Who has the nerve to silently pat herself on the back after causing her fiance grief and frustration?

Guilty as charged.

Catalog Inspiration

I'm drawing inspiration for my engagement photo session from two retailer catalogs - both with beautiful, stylish, and romantic aesthetics.  So European, urban, yet soft and chic.

J.Crew

Vintage and modern J.Crew's Passport to Portugal photo shoot in Lisbon.  I love the mix of old world architecture with vintage, yet cool attire.

Photos from: J.Crew Passport to Portugal

Anthropologie 

Photos of real couples for the August 2009 catalog in Paris. Romantic, sweet, and slightly playful.  I love all things Paris. 

Photos reposted from the Anthropologie Addict.

Our lovely engagement photo shoot session will be with the talented Vivian Sachs in a few weeks!  I'm curious to read what other people find as sources of photo inspiration - which retailer best defines your style?

Dates

I'm not talking about going out dates or romantic dates.  I mean month, day, year dates of significant milestone moments in a relationship.  Imagine how many dates you struggle to remember as your relationship progresses over the years!  While a good sign of your longevity as a couple, it can cause minor stress or pressure to have it all committed to memory.

Take for example, my latest conversation a few days ago with J, my fiance.

I had just finished reading an article in Redbook Magazine (January 2010 issue) called "Your favorite day of the year" in which women celebrated different special moments in their lives, from surviving cancer, watching the sunset everyday, to when friendships were formed.  Walking home from the lightrail station, I thought about how special it would be for J & I to celebrate our engagement every year.  We were engaged last summer in Hawai'i, so I envisioned traditional yearly dinners to the nearby Hukilau or Roy's or - why not? - even the occasional trip back to Oahu!  What better way to relive one of the happiest, memorable, and surreal moments in our relationship?

I told John my idea and, not surprisingly, he responded enthusiastically.

Me: So, do you remember which day we got engaged?

J: Yeah, in June.

Me: Yes, but do you remember the DATE?

J: Um.  The day Michael Jackson died?  (this is awful, but true)
Me: Yes, but do you know the DATE?
J: No... I don't remember.  (wrong answer)
Me: JUNE 25th!  How could you not know?  It's even posted on my Facebook profile picture of us... How could you NOT ....

That conversation alone made me realize how tough it is to remember other relationship moments.  The most important date that we make sure to celebrate every year is, of course, the date that we made "us" official: November 7th.  I'm sure, he won't forget June 25th again after our last conversation.  Got our first house on July 8th and moved in officially on August 1st.  And the day that we get married will also be another huge date to celebrate.  And on & on.  

It makes me wonder if married couples still think about the day they first got together, or their entire relationship becomes defined from the years they've been married.  That's a lot of history with J that I can't just shake off.  Part of why I'm so big on celebrations and reminiscing is that it helps keeps the memory vivid - a comforting reminder that it really did happen and a milestone to mark how far we've come as a couple.  So even though the list won't likely ever end, it's more important to me that we try to remember those significant dates over overrated holidays like Valentine's Day.

And why should the celebrating stop?  Those occasions are a nice reason to dine out, travel, and indulge in ourselves.  Hopefully, a Hawaiian engagement celebration is in the works to become a yearly tradition.  (J, I'm looking forward to next year's June 25th!).